I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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