maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
