But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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