Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
