you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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