Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize