Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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