Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
