I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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