I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
