when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize