I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
