but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize