I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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