so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
