worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
