I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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