how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
