I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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