If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
