Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
