im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
