ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
