I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
