I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
