walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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