Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
