but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
