You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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