They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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