I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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