Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
