Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
