She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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