Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
