btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
