the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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