I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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