I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
