On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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