I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
