is this the sara with the beer cane?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize