She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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