as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My vagina just recognized that song.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
