you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
