24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
