worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
