OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
