I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
