We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
