Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
