guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
