Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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