.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
