she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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