i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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