dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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