she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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