I got chris browned last night
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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