I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
