you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
