Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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