I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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