i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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