david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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