I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
