This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
