Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
