Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
