you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
