so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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