I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
