i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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